Cheney Returns To Camp Crystal Lake
CRYSTAL LAKE, NJ — Reports of a shadowy figure in the woods and heavy breathing heard in the night, coupled with a recent series of grisly murders, have generated rumors that U.S. Vice-President Dick Cheney has returned to terrorize the counselors at Camp Crystal Lake, sources reported Friday.
Camp Crystal Lake, the site of many recent as-yet-unsolved murders.
“I knew it’d been too quiet around here,” camp caretaker Ephram Magritte, 67, said between sips from his flask. “Things were just starting to get back to normal. Then that carload of kids had to go have a drinking party at the lake last Friday. When two of them went missing, people started up again, saying Cheney was back. We don’t need that kind of talk. Stirs up trouble. Scares off customers.”
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